Confessions

(Excerpt from journal 1/6/2020)

I long to always be mildly detached from modernity. 

To be steeped in orgasmic potency. 

I long to run through crooked paths in the green forests of my mind

and stop at some lovely clearing to catch my breath and wait…

for ALL the pieces of myself to arrive.

I long to walk in silence, hand in hand

with the most ancient versions of my soul…

And listen as the music of the Universe unfolds.

I long to love.

As deeply, in the hard edged plane

as I do in all the other worlds. 

To reach knowingly and with surety for the Love that longs for me also. 

I long for love in all the worlds. 

I long to always see some shining miracle flitting about in my peripheral.

The corner of my eye always full of a simple shining wondrousness. 

I long for breaths that slow down time…

That recall the oldest story

of in and out, give and take, pause and passion. 

I long to be a worthy coin, polar on each side, but balanced. 

And spinning and dancing like an optical illusion…

Unless for a rare eclipse which ushers in some pivotal experience

that catches the eye of my Maker and causes new things to jump into the world. 

I long to live and write and play in a constant state of tribute.

To name and give power to the gold and silver of my days

So that I may spend it wisely and save it endlessly. 

I long for this.